I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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