My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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