apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
