Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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