In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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