3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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