Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
