She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
