I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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