Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Are we still banned from the library?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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