I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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