Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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