This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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