She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and she was petting her beer can
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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