Me. At least after what I've been through.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize