I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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