hotel room ftw
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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