please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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