So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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