Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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