so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
