Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I smell like Dick and happiness
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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