A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
