I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
