Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
