god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
