im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
