i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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