Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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