Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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