she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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