I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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