we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
