Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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