I hate your face
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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