I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
