The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
