like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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