I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
