So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
