It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
