Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
