did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
