Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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