No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
