No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
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Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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