Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
