Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize