I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My life is pants optional.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize