i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
