"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
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if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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