It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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