So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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