I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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