Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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