I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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