worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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