I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
