Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
