Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
