i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
