Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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