Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
